walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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