every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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