I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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