Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
