clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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