I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
