I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
