You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
