Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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