Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
