whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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