she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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