So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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