ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
