It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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