I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
