This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
