I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
