I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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