Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
