definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
