Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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