I CAN MOONWALK!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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