I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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