Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
