he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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