Define "chronic" masturbator.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
