She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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