you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
