I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
