The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
