i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
