Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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