is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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