apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
