Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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