wanna go halves on a baby?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
