My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Terrible idea I love it
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
