whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
