yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
