ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize