Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
