i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
