You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
