you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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