So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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