watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
