How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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