Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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