your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
