If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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