There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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