Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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