i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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