The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You smell like stripper and shame
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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