Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Its about making memories worth repressing
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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