My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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