there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
