The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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