sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
