My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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