Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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